mannequin

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Prologue

I gazed at a blank word sheet.
Pondering on what to write.
Still trying to make my words replicate my thoughts.
But I just cannot get it right on paper,
and so what I feel builds up.
For I have no outlet for it anymore.
I am beyond help and I am going to burst.
When? I do not know.

My mind screams “I need a break”.
It seeks freedom so do all my thoughts.
I feel empty yet stuffed.
Because for days I have been surrounded by people.
Having no room to breath.
Even when I am alone I feel watched.
Wanting to talk to someone but failing to interpret my mind,
Or express my emotions.
And so I suppress them.
I know I am killing myself.
But what choice do I have?

I am binge eating, a lot.
Sleepless nights.
Being haunted by not knowing my future or when my depression will get worse.
Upbeat and classical music pours into my ears. So do sermons.
Mind provoking films fill my mind.
Always learning. I have to shut out the inner me.
I feel distant still, and lost in my world.
When do I stop smiling and pretending that its fine?
Can any one cure this?
I feel like I do not have enough time.
But I have hope.

….

slowly fading into the dark.

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