Do not say it is love.
Because I fail to explain it.
I have lived a filthy life.
A life I am ashamed of.
I have been told to put it behind me.
But isn’t my past a part of who I am?
I am capable of love but
I choose not to flee from it for I fear the worst.
I fear heartbreaks and fights.
I fear seeing her cry because of me.
I fear seeing her hurt because of the words I used.
I fear being the one person she trusts most.
I fear breaking her.
I fear her watching me break.
I fear wanting to be alone when she needs me most.
Cheating on her.
Running to porn for relief.
I fear failing to lead her to Christ like I am supposed too.
No longer chasing and wooing her like I used too when we just started courting.
I fear being a burden to her.
Failing to give God thanks for her.
I fear I will no longer gaze at her like I used too.
So God, work on me.