Before I fail

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I forgot about my motto.
I forgot about why I fear being happy,
Until the war drums played.
Trembling in fear,
For I knew what was coming and I had no way to protect myself.
It caught me off guard and I watched how weak I had become,
A lone wolf trying to fit in.
I felt its rage and sadistic intent on me.
I felt like hanging of the ceiling to rescue myself.
Where did I go wrong?
Why now? Is it wrong being happy?
“This never gets better, does it?”
I become soft because I gave a part of me to others.
And now I am paying for it.
I will be beaten and defeated.
And then rise from the ground with more scars than I had.
Trying to figure out who I am going to be and where I am going to stand.

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